Joy

This was going to be my post before I saw the oncologist. I was scared--wondering what he would say, what would be the impact on my life.

My sons give me joy. I tell them that often and I tell myself that daily. When times are hard, when Albert is mouthy, when Ben breaks yet another thing, I comfort myself by reminding myself they give me joy.

I need to hold on to that today. I am seeing the oncologist and will be starting the planning of my treatment and I am angry and scared. I am angry that I have cancer again. I am furious that in reality I have no control over treatment. I want to live. I want to see my boys grow up. I want to see my grandchildren. I want what we all want -- to be a part of my family for a long time.


Now, after seeing him I am feeling much more optimistic. My cancer is aggressive but treatable. The biopsy shows:

• Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Nottingham (Elston) Grade 3. Grade 3 means aggressive.
• The size is 1.1 cm. That's okay. Not really small, but not huge.
• It is estrogen and progesterone positive. That means that hormone therapy will help keep the cancer from coming back.
• it is Her-2/Neu positive and Her-2/Neu Fish positive. That means that it is aggressive and fast growing. It also means it will be it will be responsive to Herceptin.

From what the oncologist has to say, what a few years ago would have been a more difficult cancer to treat is now much more curable.

I do love my oncologist. Talking to him has put things in perspective and I am feeling much better.