Maybe I Do Miss You.

I need a picture of a cute puppy because I am feeling rather glum. I have been trying to feel better through self medication with food. Unfortunately the sugar buzz is doing little to help me move on.

So I decided to think about what's causing the foul mood. Running into the "used to be friend" is pushing feelings of sadness and loss to the surface. It's not that I still want to be friends with her, I don't; it's not that I miss her, I don't. It's that I'm a different person now then I was when I was in the friendship. That transition, growth, was painful and made me lose a number of long held illusions. I used to think that as I grew and become a better, stronger person the people closest to me would accept and even welcome those changes. I thought the process would be a win-win process, that my growth would be a catalyst that would help friends and family to grow too. Some did, some didn't.

The sad part is that some didn't. It's not that the "didn'ts" were bad or shallow people. It's just that they didn't need me as much as I hoped they would and I didn't need them as much as I needed to change. I've learned that sometimes lose comes with every choice and you just have to decide which loss is the biggest.

Maybe I do miss you "used to be friend".