If He Weren't So Cute He Would Be Dead

He ate my new glasses! The glasses I paid way too much for, to replace the first pair he chewed. The thing is I am glasses less for a while because i threw out the chewed pair when I got the new ones and the new ones have been totally destroyed. Without glasses I can't see well enough to drive, so I am stuck at home-boring; watching TV gives me a headache so I don't watch TV-that's a good thing. Like I said, if that dang dog wasn't so cute he would be dead.

In fact he is a very expensive pain. So far he destroyed Albert's retainer, 2 pairs of my glasses, 2 pairs of Ben's glasses, one pair of Al's, a school book, various toys, socks and odds and ends. You would think we would have learned by now to keep anything valuable under lock and key.

Speaking of home, I miss the boys now that they are back in school. The house is way too quiet. I can clean, do laundry and work on my quilts. The house even stays clean until they come home. Even though I miss them I don't really want them back all day every day. I just need to find a new routine.

School Starts Monday

This has been a good summer, up to but not including the last few days. I've been a stay-home-mom and the boys have been able to have an unstructured summer. They could stay up as late as they wanted, sleep until they woke up naturally, go swimming, play golf, go to the movies or stay home depending on their moods. They enjoyed it, though they are a lot more interested in video games then the pool and in staying up late and sleeping till 1 in the afternoon then in going to the Smithsonian.

It has been great for me too. I've enjoyed the spontaneous conversations, hugs and the window into their day to day lives. Too much of a good thing turns a smart loving, good natured boy into a irritating, annoying bored 13 year old. The 15 year old would probably be a pain in the butt to except that learning to drive and the car have taken over his life.

Ben needs to go to school. He needs structure. He needs work. He needs to stop bugging me.

Maybe I Do Miss You.

I need a picture of a cute puppy because I am feeling rather glum. I have been trying to feel better through self medication with food. Unfortunately the sugar buzz is doing little to help me move on.

So I decided to think about what's causing the foul mood. Running into the "used to be friend" is pushing feelings of sadness and loss to the surface. It's not that I still want to be friends with her, I don't; it's not that I miss her, I don't. It's that I'm a different person now then I was when I was in the friendship. That transition, growth, was painful and made me lose a number of long held illusions. I used to think that as I grew and become a better, stronger person the people closest to me would accept and even welcome those changes. I thought the process would be a win-win process, that my growth would be a catalyst that would help friends and family to grow too. Some did, some didn't.

The sad part is that some didn't. It's not that the "didn'ts" were bad or shallow people. It's just that they didn't need me as much as I hoped they would and I didn't need them as much as I needed to change. I've learned that sometimes lose comes with every choice and you just have to decide which loss is the biggest.

Maybe I do miss you "used to be friend".

Working for Money

Saturday I worked for money for the first time since retirement. I watched the 4 year old daughter of Albert's tutor while her husband and older daughter were away for a weekend and she went kayaking.

I wasn't really sure that was the way I had wanted to spend my day and I sure wasn't planning on earning money that way. I agreed mostly to help out the mom who was in a bind. I was pleasantly surprised. I had a great day. Little girls , especially this little girl (she is a girly girl) are very different from little boys. Little boys don't paint their finger and toe nails, they don't play quietly and they don't stay clean. Of course they don't talk your ears off either.

Little miss girly girl and I went for a walk to the secret playground mid morning. The funny thing was we ran into a "used-to-be" friend on our way. Even though she almost lives in the area (maybe a little less then a mile away) I was stunned to see her, enough so that it took me a minute or two to fit her into my mental map that she really was the person I thought she was. Life is funny.

I adore flower pictures, which is why I've posted the two above.

The Scenic Route is the Best

I like to travel the scenic route, Al likes to take the shortest route. Mine is more fun, but sometimes it takes for ever for me to get where I want to go.

After dropping Albert off at a golf course near a friends house I drove home via routes 27 and 108. Other then the fact that it took me nearly 2 hours to go home compared to the 40 minute drive out, it was a great ride. I passed a roadside market with fruits, veggies and amazing flowers. I took these two pictures after buying some produce. That stop made the trip worthwhile.

Albert Has His Learners Permit

Albert has had his learner's permit for about a week. He now has 8 hours of experience driving in a Church parking lot, a nearby, very quiet neighborhood, local roads and thirty miles down the back roads to his friends house. He impresses me, with his knowledge and his skill. Nevertheless, riding with him is hard on me. It's not the driving, it's seeing that he is growing up and becoming a responsible young man. I like the man he is becoming. He is kind, thoughtful and considerate. What saddens me and scares me is that he is becoming more and more independent. I miss that very sweet little boy who needed me so very much.

When Al and were talking and planning what we would do when Albert got his learner's permit, we thought I would be the only one to take him driving. We thought Al would be too impatient, lose his temper too often. Albert wanted us all to go to the church for his first driving lesson/experience. So we went as a family, Al and Albert were in the front seat and Ben and I in the back. I was pleased with the way Albert handled the car, but I was literally amazed with how well Al handled himself and Albert. Al did a fantastic job. He was patient and didn't even come close to loosing his temper. In fact he did a better job then I did. I take it all to personally. I see the man Albert is becoming and want the boy he was.