It Feels Good to Feel Good

I am mostly over the bug from heck and it feels good to feel good.

The only thing this picture has to do with the rest of the post is that I took it in Aruba and that was a wonderful trip and on it I felt really good.

I am also in a felting craze. I only have two colors of feltable yarn, a lovely tweedy rusty red and a pale beige. They are nice but don't have a lot of zest. So I ordered some from a discount place online. They sent a letter saying there would be a delay before they could send the yarn I ordered. Don't they know I can't wait that long.

My first project was a bag that turned out really nicely. If I would get off my butt and take a picture I could post it!! Now I'm working on coasters. If they turn out nicely I can give sets of 4 to each of the bookclub ladies. But I need my pretty yarns. Discount company please send them.

The Joy of Getting

The joy of giving continued. First I was given a bed filled with germs. Boy A had climbed in bed with hubby early Saturday morning, and he breathed on my pillow, and spread germs all over my side of the bed. Of course hubby's side of the bed was filled with the same kind of germs. I wasn’t going near that bed until both guys were better and I could change the sheets. Which leads me to the second gift, the joy of sleeping on the sofa for two nights. It was the first time since before we were married and were sleeping under the same roof that we didn’t sleep in the same bed. I enjoyed it. No one to steal the covers, no one to wake me up with snoring and no extra germs. I think this means I’ve reached a new stage in my marriage. And I think it is a good stage. Last but not least they also gave the bug to me. It was a nasty bug and it earned me 2.5 days off of work. Of course most of the time was off work and either sleeping or feeling so miserable I wished I was sleeping.
I did knit a lot while the guys were sick. In fact I made my first felted bag. I am pretty pleased with it. If I do another one I do something different for the handle. I did it with two strands of yarn -two different colors. I would have liked it better if I had kept the colors separate, either done it in blocks or stripes. Oh well next time.
I have fallen in love with Mason Dixon Knitting. It has lots of ideas for things other then sweaters. While I am working on a sweater, I want to do other things. So I’m working on blanket too. I am just too cool for words.

House of the Sick

Each of the guys is sick. They woke up at various times in the night to throw up. Would fall back asleep and then wake up again a few hours later. At least Hubby made it to the bathroom. Unfortunately neither boy did. That means I've been cleaning rugs, bedding and just about everything else in the house.

The bad thing is I don't like being around sick people, even if they are the people I love more then anything else in the world. It wasn't so bad when they were little and helpless. Now they may be helpless but they are big and I don't want them breathing on me, or touching me. I think I'll sleep in the spare room tonight.

Thanksgiving

I had a really nice Thanksgiving with hubby's family. Hubby's niece and her husband did all most all of the work. We just showed up with pie and good wishes. Their house was beautiful, the food was fantastic and the company was wonderful and I spent some of the day thinking how much easier family gatherings are with his family then they are with mine. I don't carry all the baggage into his family gatherings that I do with my own.

I have been reading tons of adoption blogs recently. The first one I found and the one I have always loved is the Naked Ovary, the blog of an infertile woman who very recently adopted a baby from China. I like her. I like her because she is living a part of a life I always wanted to live-adopting a baby from China. I like her because she is honest and real and secure enough to show her strengths and weakness. I like her because she loves being a Mom. I like her because she thinks that being a parent makes us one of the lucky ones. I like her because I feel connected to much of what she writes about. I like her because reading her makes me feel a bit, just a tiny bit, as if I adopted a baby girl from China.

I am thankful for many things in my life and one of them is people I only know through reading about their lives on the Internet.

What Was I Thinking

I'm home alone, hubby and the boys are out of town and won't be home till very late. I decided to watch a scary movie. What in the good lord's name was I thinking. Scary movies scare me and make me keep a watch out for the axe murder. Once the music started getting weird, I realized I was going to be up all night listening for the axe murder if I watched any more. I turned it off.

What the heck, they are gone, I'm going to have fun. I don't have to listen to any fussing.

Tips An On Again and Off Again Weekly Series

Sometimes Weekly Tips

• The term "scum sucking crow dog" has a nice ring to it. But it will never replace "pig" as a term of endearment.
• This parking lot is huge and filled with many cars. Brightly colored spray paint can be used to mark a trail to your car. (thanks Good Looking for this tip)
• Fool the guards by having the paint end at car near yours.
• I like to use spray paint that matches my outfit (using the term "outfit" to describe what I typically wear, makes me giggle.)
• If you have a car with no trunk hide the cans of spray paint in a box.
• Some dogs are bed hogs (so are some men).
• Professional Crocs (shoes) come with fewer holes.
• The term professional Crocs, makes me laugh.
• I love crocs especially because they make me laugh.
• Co-workers who promise to provide Valet parking are to be cherished. Even if you know you that you will never actually ask, becuase if you did, they would know you are truly insane.

My Camera won't recharge so I have to choose from old pictures. This is Boy A and Boy B at Ocean City about a year ago. It was a beautiful day. And we were staying in a Condo with a small parking lot so I could easily find my car. That statement is not apropos of the fact that I always have a hard time finding my car at work. I work at the headquarters of a huge company/agency. Zillions of people work here and most of them, including me, drive themselves to work. Which means I park in a huge parking lot and by the time I leave in the afternoon I can never remember where I parked. I am getting tired of wandering around and looking for my car every day. I wonder if I could glue a telephone post on the top of the car, at least then it would be easy to find.

Boy B is working on driving me crazy this week. He "forgot" to do his English homework all last week, even after his teacher talked to him several times. Oh well, he promises to do better now.

Dog and Sweater

Camden is one sweet but lazy dog. He also hates to get his feet wet. And the way he lets us know he wants to go out is to come and look at us. That made it hard at night, I couldn't tell when he was looking at me when I was sound asleep. Since I wouldn't get up and let him out he would leave me a present on the living room rug.

The rug is now gone, which is a pain, because I loved that rug.

Camden has gotten better. I've learned not to let him up if all he has done is pee, I make him go back down the stairs and try again. The thing that surprises me, is he will go back down easily and poop once I tell him to go back down again, but I always have to tell him to go back down. The draw back to that method is that I have to stand on the back deck and watch.

The making him go down for a second time and closing him in the boys room at night has worked. He only poops outside now. In fact he woke up the boys one day last week, whining to be let out. Way to go Camden, you can teach an old mom new tricks.

I am about a third of the way through knitting my second sweater. I screwed the first one up so much that I hid it away. I had finished all the pieces, but refused to put them together. This one is cute, at least in the book. But in real life, if looks kind of ragged. Some people can do such beautiful work, and mine never is. I am not a detail oriented girl. I can do and redo and re-redo and it still looks home made. Sometimes I don't care and sometimes I do. This sweater is one that I do.

I Hate Blogger

I just lost my whole entire post. So what if ist was insipid. It took me a while to write it up.

Oh well.

I bought those Heelies a while ago and I am trying to learn how to skate with them. It is hard. I borrowed my fathers walker, but that only has wheels on the front and not on the back. I need to lean on something that moves easily. I can use the wheeled stool, but I have to bend way over to do that. Oh well maybe a new idea will come to me.

Not Everyone Loves Me

Sandy Al-O-Purr - He is not dead.


One of the things that cancer taught me was that I have the right to choose not to do things I don't want to do, even at the doctor's office. And I exercise that right often. I choose to do or to not do, what makes me comfortable, whether or not it is convenient for the medical personnel. If they can make me understand the need to do what they ask I will do it, but if it just common practice I often choose not to. Yesterday I upset the tech at the doctor's office because I would not get on the scale. She told me the reason and I still declined to do as she wished. She made it clear that she thought I was being silly and I made it clear I still would not do it. She was very clearly irked with me and that upset me. I want everyone to like me. Why can't I accept that when I go against the tide not everyone will like me? And that is okay. Except for the fact that she is a pig.

The new blood pressure medicines is working well, I am not dizzy. The doctor and I discussed increasing the antidepressant, and I am still thinking about, because I may start exercising some time soon, but will probably choose to increase the meds when I see him next. I still have a love hate relationship with my doctors.

SOWISA

I don’t really hate doctors, but I sure hate going to the doctor. The way I look at it my health issues are my fault, if I would just eat healthy and exercise I would not have high blood pressure and I would not feel depressed. If I took care of myself I would not have to see the Stupid, Vicious, No-Good (SVN) doctor. And no, none of my doctors are stupid, vicious or no-good, but it makes me feel better to label them that way. So going to the SVN doctor reminds me of some of my many failings and I get crabby. Why can’t hubby go for me? Why can’t I just do the things I should do and be in perfect health? Why can’t my hair be long, blond and curly?

Oh well, Stephen King’s latest book has an acronym that I love SOWISA –Strap it on when it seems appropriate. So SOWISA girl, SOWISA.

Retirement, More then just a Nap

Sandy and Cattie love snuggling together. They are our two oldest cats and they are the ones who spend time snuggling. All the other animals stay seperate. Kind of like Congress.


I stayed home today. I was tired and headachy. Probably stayed up to late and too concerned about the election. I was surprised at how it went and happy. And with Rumsfeld gone, it looks like Bush got the message too. It was a nice day. I did chores and shopping and took a nap. Tonight I had to take Boy A to the organizer.





It was kind of a taste of what is to come. Though I will have to admit, that I would be pretty bored if all I did was chores and naps. I'm planning on helping teach reading at the local elementary school and working on quilts, boxes and knitting.





In fact I did two quickie boxes for charity auction at work. The had to be fast, since I didn't think about doing them till about 8:00 the night before. One turned out beautifully, I had a day by day calendar of scrapbooking stuff. It's made up of rectangles that can be cut for designs, or used to frame picture. One of them was just the right size for the box top and was dreamy looking and said "Once upon a time". I decoupaged it on the top of the box. Loved it.


The second, I used my new stamps (Peace, Love and Hope) and card stock paper. I think the modgepodge wicked into the prints a bit too much and it ended looking home made. I think I also need to try harder to get the corners square, the art centered, etc.





That's enough for now.

Vote

Hubby and I voted after work. It will be a long slog to know who wins, and as Democrats we may once again be sorely disappointed. A couple can hope.

Mostly Marriage -- And some Horror

Once again I have flipped to feeling pretty dang good even though I was miserable all weekend. This was the power of the wonderful talk cure. So P-J, life is good even though life was shit yesterday. And I still adore you P-J.

The problem is I felt so miserable all weekend so I did no chores and now the house is a disaster area. I left early today, since Boy B was home alone, and have done dishes, two loads of laundry, the cat litter box, put away clothes, picked up the bed room and the family room. The house still has a way to go, but I would not be horrified if someone came in.

Speaking of horror, I finished reading Stephen King's new book Lisey's Story. I am not normally a fan of his, too much horror is too much horror. But this was more a story about the abiding power of love then it was a horror story. I really enjoyed it. It makes me wonder how much of it is about him and his wife and how much is made up. The fact that they have been married for so long, makes me think that they have a good strong marriage. And this book is about a couple that have a good strong marriage.

My brother and his sweetie got married Sunday. They have lived together for 15 years or so. I think he was reluctant. She is a very special person, she brings out the best in home. I think this is something she has wanted very much and I am glad for her.

I really like being married. Hubby can drive me crazy, but he is my safety zone, he is the person I turn to when life is hard. Thank you God for giving me Hubby.

Speaking of thanking God, we found a tutor for Boy A. She is a young SAHM with two little girls, one 3 and one 6. She tutors in her home, in a room upstairs. Parent's can stay while their child is up with her, but she actively discourages it. She has a hubby home and 3 little girls, one 3 and one 6 and no doubt the family likes if better when they have don't have a stranger sitting there. but this was the first time I had ever met her and dang if I was going to leave Boy A there alone the first time. For all I knew she was an axe murder. Luckily the session went well, both Boy A and I liked her. Her girls were adorable and next week I'll just drop him off and pick him up at the end of the hour.

Getting There

I had a very good talk with "What's His Name: today. Talked about being able to set boundaries, accepting that I can't be everything for everyone, that not everyone has to like me and that it is okay to be assertive. Things fell into place and I am feeling better.


Met a friend for dinner tonight. Had a lot of fun and spent a lot of time talking. One would think I was talked out, but I slept all weekend so I have a weekend of talking stored up. I'll probably talk hubby's ear off tonight.

Last, but not least, I am so tired of negative election ads that I can't wait till the election is over. Of course we will have to listen to election results for a while. In Maryland, it may be a long while since an unprecedented number of folks have elected to use absentee ballots. It may be days till we know the results. I don't know if I can stand it.

Or Maybe I'm Fooling Myself

Yesterday I wrote that life was good and I was feeling good. I think I was fooling myself.

It usually takes a few seconds, after I wake up, for me to know I am depressed. I've gotten used to waking up and waiting for the weight of depression to settle in on my chest. It's not much, it doesn't stop me from enjoying life, it's just extra baggage I carry with me. It's secret, I keep it hidden, I don't tell my family, my friends or even What's His Name (the therapist).

I guess I am ashamed of it, embarrassed by it. I am on medication, I am in therapy, my life is moving forward, yet I can't shake the depression. Or maybe it's such a part of who I am that I am afraid to let it go. Afraid that I won't know who I am without it'

I was reading a post by Dead Bug about her dealing with mild PPD and not wanting to go on medication and I was going to add a comment about my experiences with PPD. Thinking about what I would say to her made me realize I am doing the same thing to myself right now. It's hard to ... move on...to admit to everyone else that I have been in effect lying to them when I say the depression is under control. Thanks Dead Bug

Life is good!!!!

Life is good. Yeah, my moods can change on a dime . Tutoring is set up for Boy A and I know he'll pull his act together.

Neither boy wanted to go out to dinner with us so Hubby and I had a date night. But I gotta say, date night was more fun when we were actually dating. Now we talk about the kids, the bills, or politics. When we were dating conversation seemed to have a lot more zing. That is not to say that I want to go back to those days. I love being married, at least I like being married to hubby.
Seventeen weeks to go.

Chill Baby, Chill

My mantra yesterday was “Chill Baby, Chill”. I was so sick of being ready to mouth off at the slightest provocation that I decided I needed to CHIL. I told myself to “Chill Baby, Chill” when the driver in front of me was going to slow for me and once again when the driver behind us pulled out and zoomed around us slowpokes (if I had to suffer that slow rate, who was he to go faster). I used it often last night, on just about every driver on the road near me (they were all in on the conspiracy to tick me off) on hubby for sleeping on the sofa, on the boys for having a genetic inability to close a cabinet door, on the cats for wanting to be petted for 20 years in one evening, on the stupid omnipresent political ads. It helped. Some. But not much.

The local Country Music radio station (I either listen to country music on NPR and NPR was going on and on about politics) has a Simple Pleasures Thursday. The DJs tell their simple pleasures and the listeners call in with theirs. My simple pleasure was at least I wasn’t dead.

All I want to do is lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. Not that I need to be in bed to feel sorry for myself, I’m doing a good enough job of that just sitting here.

I blame in all on Boy A’s teacher. He is struggling with this class. Last year he got a high school letter for being on the honor roll all 4 quarters. But this year, for this class and only this class he is struggling. The hard thing is after each test he thinks he did really well, but it turns out he did poorly. Due to circumstances he has been in three different geometry classes this year. This teacher, who has only had him for a few weeks, can see he is struggling. Why can’t she talk to him and see what she can do to help him? Why can’t she suggest he stay after school for extra help? Why can’t she reach out to him and see what he needs? Why can’t she call me? Why do I have to be the one to always initiate contact? Why does it take her several days to respond to me?

At this point Boy A hates her and geometry. And I don’t like that. I think that attitude will interfere with learning. It is hard to want to do well for someone who you can’t stand. And I am a firm supporter of teachers. I think my guys need to pay attention to teachers, do their homework, follow the rules, be respectful and know the teacher is the boss. Those rules don’t change even if the kid doesn’t like the teacher or finds the class hard. But I think Boy A would like her if she would reach out to him, if she would treat him as a person, instead of a problem.

But I know this is a bump in the road. We will get a tutor. We will meet with the teacher, bring flowers to make nice, and see what Boy A can do, what we the parents can do and to see if we can smooth a path for Boy A and the teacher to work together better.

Crabs R Me

So I can’t smack Boy A’s teacher up the side of the head because not only is it unproductive, it is just plain rude and can land me in jail. I can’t go to jail I don’t like bologna.

Apropos of nothing, one of the women I work with is always in a great mood. She has this big beautiful, genuine smile always on her face. This morning it drove me crazy. As soon as I saw her I turned around and went another way. Seeing that smile made me want to smack her senseless.

Boy I sound like a lot of fun don’t I.

I think I just may be in a bit of a crabby mood.

I should have worn jeans to work today.

It’s hubby’s fault.