Lots of Candles and Lots of Body Image

Candles:

I wanted a visual indicator of the passing of time till I retire. I filled the mantle with candles, one for each week until I retire. Every Friday I take one down, light the rest and have one of the guys take a picture of me in front of the blazing mantle. It's fun. So far I have two picture, one of all the candles, and one with me holding one and all the rest glowing with the promise that each week one of them would be liberated.

I still have way too many weeks to go but this makes time pass just a tad faster.

Body Image:

I finished the body of the first sweater I ever made and once I tried it on, I just about lost interest in finishing the arms. It's not the sweater itself. I think it is my body image. Maybe a part of me thought I would look tall and svelte in a sweater I made myself. I don't I look, or at least I don't think I look ( didn't look in the mirror-I am basing this mostly on fit) thin, svelte or even cute. I look like me, an aging woman who really should lose -- well lose lots of pounds.

Body image is tough. From what I have read most of us don't like our bodies, but I really hate being fat. I hate the way I look. I hate the way it impacts my life. I hate the way I feel I can't control my eating. I could go on, but I think that is enouugh. I hate being fat, but I love me. I love my life. I have a great life. I am very happily married (most of the time). I love being a mom and seeing my guys grow up. I have a good job--its not every thing I want, but it is a good job. I like the person I am, I like my personality, I like the way I relate to people. I like who I am. Why isn't that enough? Why don't I do to myself what I do to the people around me? I look at them as a package, a grouping, a range of things from wonderful to a lot less then wonderful. I try to evaluate them as a whole. Why can't I do the same for myself.