Gains and Losses

I am not so interested in the retirement countdown any more. It's too close to my last day and all I can think of is how much I am going to miss everyone. I work with incredibly wonderful people and leaving them will be a huge loss.

The other loss is we miss Rocky. This morning the three other cats were in the bathroom watching me brush my teeth. I kept wishing it had been all four of them. I miss having Rocky sleep beside me on the bed. I miss picking up his chunky body and feeling him wiggle to get free. I miss hearing that loud purr. I miss the fact that with out the Rock-a-Mundo, the herd of elephants doesn't sound loud enough.

The gains are knowing I will be a stay-at-home mom to teens, that I can knit and quilt to my heart's content, that I can explore lots of different interests and that I can find out who I want to be next.

Lost Weekend

Rocky- aka Rockamundo Kitty Cat died Saturday. Part of us did too.

I noticed Saturday morning that he was having trouble walking and was very lethargic. We took him to the vet who ran tests and let us know that there was no hope he would get better. The boys, hubby and I took turns holding him, telling him we loved him and saying good bye. After a few minutes the boys went to wait in the car. They needed someone to hold on too so hubby went to the car too. While the vet put him took care of him, I held him close whispered of our love and our saddness. It was over in minutes.

Rocky is buried in the back yard next to Jessie. His service was conducted by loving boys and loving parents. He is being missed.

The boys found Rocky and his sister Star in the woods 5 years ago. The raced through briars to catch both cats. Since we already had two cats, hubby and I were going to take them both to the Animal Shelter. We never got them into the cat carrier, thanks to the pleading and trickery of two small boys the cats would become loved members of the family.

Rocky had a loud purr and a quiet disposition. He was timid and it took him a while to trust us. But once he did he proved to be a lover. He loved to be petted and sleep near us.

He is missed.

I'll post a picture of him when I can get my laptop working.

Five More Days to Work

I have 5 more days to go to work. In five days I will retire. Five days. Five. Days. Five.

5

A Perfect Day

Yesterday was a perfect day.

First---I realized I have made the transition– at least in my mind- to really being ready to move on, to take the next life step—retirement. All major life changes are a multi step process and the most important --- mindset--- seems to be the hardest. While I have been looking forward to retirement for close to a year, part of me has been clinging to what I will miss. I’ll miss the job; at its best it is interesting, challenging and demanding and it is often at its best. I’ll miss the people; the people I work with are wonderful. They are smart, funny, committed and hard working. They are my work family. I’ll miss knowing I make a difference. I work for a large Federal Agency. The services we provide make a difference in people’s lives and I help provide those services. I realized today that I am looking forward to what I can do in the future much more then I am thinking about missing this life. I’m really ready to move on.

Second-the boys just got their Christmas presents-new laptops. These laptops can be voice activated. The boys can dictate papers or tell the computers what functions to bring up. Boy B was reading a prepared script to “train” his computer to recognize his voice. I sat and listened to him and felt absolutely overwhelmed with joy. I was content; I was living the life I wanted to live. I am lucky to have a husband who loves me and caters to me and to have two boys who bring me joy.

Third—I have good friends, people I enjoy spending time with.

Yesterday was a perfect day. I day I felt connected to all the people around me, I day I felt content with life and what it holds for me. It was a perfect day.

Sister and Brother

These two love to snuggle. They tolerate the other two cats but are not very friendly with them. Sandy (the ginger cat) terrorizes the dog. Camden steers a wide berth around Sandy at all times. It's actually funny, Camden is manytimes Sandy's size-but Sandy is the boss.

Blue Lady

I made it official. I signed all the papers. I will retire effective March 3, 2007, just a little over 2 weeks from today. I’m excited. I’m looking forward to being able to do what I want to do. I’m even willing to be the one who has to run the errands. I’m ready for the changes. What I didn’t expect is to feel a little blue about it all.

When I think about it, feeling a little blue makes sense. This place has been my home away from home for nearly 32 years. And I’m leaving. Maybe retiring is its like breaking up with someone you still love but just can’t live with any longer. You know you can’t stay any longer, but it still hurts to leave.

I will miss being a part of this life.

Dyeing with Kool Aid

This was early in the "waiting to retire" process. I am now down to three candles and 12 angels. I added angels and Santas at Christmas and decided it liked them so much I would leave all 16 angles. I could take one down each night during the last 4 weeks. Or really I could take one down for each Monday thru Thursday and a candle on Friday. Tomorrow I'll post
Friday's picture-the one before I took the candle down.

Three weeks to go. Just three weeks.

This was a lazy weekend. I caught up with sleeping and laundry. Or at least I am mostly done washing the laundry, but I haven't even started to put any of it away. I hate the putting away part.

I did have some fun. Hubby and I went out to dinner with out the boys Friday. I used a gift certificate the Lunch Bunch gave me as a retirement present. It was really nice of all of them. They are a good group, three women and a man. We have been friends for years. Thanks to them we had a wonderful dinner sans boys.

I also stopped at Safeway and bought some unsweetened kool aid and dyed some wool yarn. I'll have to get a picture of it too. It is in shades of bright pink with a little purple. It was fun to do and the yarn smells like kool aid.

Requieum for a Mouse

Schools were closed due to snow. Boy A and Boy B were staying home alone. Hubby and I left, closing the door on the teenage mutterings of Boy A, who was deeply disappointed that we would not drive the 20 miles from work to home, during lunch time, to drive him to his friend’s house, the one who lives the 30 miles further out.

Shortly after getting to work I received an imperious call from Boy A demanding I come home immediately. The problem, they found a dead mouse on the floor (thanks, cats). Boy A could not stand to be in the house with a dead mouse and could not bear to touch it in any way, shape or form. I suggested paper towels or a broom and dust pan, but Boy A was adamant. He would not touch it.

Boy B came to the rescue. Protected with paper towels and a dust pan, he carried the mouse out back. Boy A followed to complete the funeral procession. The mouse was laid to rest among the trees in the back yard. A solemn ceremony of song and eulogy commemorated his passing. Boy B is the man.

Dela's Cold Day Parking Creed

It is bitter cold today and as for as I can see the only purpose if it is to remind me how much I don’t like cold weather. When it is this cold I want to park as close as possible to the building. Since I never arrive at 6:00 in the morning I don’t get a close parking spot. If the weather is nice I don’t mind the walk. At least I can tell myself I am getting some exercise. But when the weather is this cold I want to park in the lobby. Unfortunately the security staff won’t let me.

On cold days I resort to cruising by the close parking spaces and saying a little prayer that I’ll see someone pulling out of one of them. There are some folks who may get in 6ish even if they need to leave 7:30ish or 8:ish. I almost got one this morning. I could have if I had been just a tad more aggressive and run that woman over. After all it was my space. I saw it and I wanted it. That statement reminds me of the Toddler’s creed that used to hang on our refrigerator when the boys were little. The gist of it was if a toddler wanted something it belonged to him, even if he had just thrown it out 5 seconds before, or he had just said he didn’t want it. When it comes to close parking spaces and cold weather I adhere to Dela’s version of the toddler creed. Close parking belongs to me. The only problem is I can’t get anyone here to go along with that. “The Woman” who took my space should have known it was mine. She should have moved aside and let me have it. She is a pig cake, a bean brained pig cake.

Oh well in 3 weeks and 4 days I won’t have to worry about parking, at least not here.

New Year's Resolution Update II

No wine, no booze for over a month. That right. Over a month and no wine. Dinners out and no wine. Wine in the fridge and none in me. I am right pleased with myself. The real benefit is I am not feeling depressed. Some quid pro quo going on.

The guys are watching the Super Bowl. I'm updating. I am keeping an eye on the ads, but so far while a few are cute, none are much good.

I haven't bought yarn recently. I would have this weekend, but I left my wallet at work. I sure didn't feel like spending money on yarn if I'm about to lose all the money that was sitting in my wallet. I don't really need yarn. I still have enough to finish the sweater I am about a quarter way through, enough for a hoodie, a pair of socks and several scarfs and bags.

I Absolutely Hate Going to the Doctor

I went today for a blood pressure check. It was too high so I need to increase my medication and go back in two weeks. No wonder the blood pressure was high-I hate going to the doctor.

I have been telling myself that I can wait until I retire to start exercising again, but maybe this is a good indication that I should start tonight--well tomorrow.

I will walk tomorrow. No excuses.

Boy B says if I don't walk tomorrow I will owe him $182. I sure can't afford that so I better walk. I'll post the results here along with pictures of my knit bags pre-felting.

What Can I Say. I Lead a Dull Life.

My back yard at sunset.

Nothing going on in my life except counting the days down to retirement. Four weeks and two days. The really good news is one of those days is a holiday. That means I only have to go to work for 21 days. Just 21 more days at the hole of heck. The end is in sight and I am pretty happy about it.

I will miss my coworkers. They are nice folks.

This is to make me think of warmer times

It Is Too Dang Cold

I tried to set up the valet parking for myself. I had tried last year and for some silly reason none of my co-workers volunteered. This year I tried to make it easy for each of them. I set up a schedule and assigned them each a day. Pigs that they are, each and every one of them declined the opportunity. How very cruel of them. I don't get to work early after all. Now I have to walk in the bitter cold from my car to the building. Life is rough.

Good Looking is going to make the good bye cards for me to give to these "we will not provide valet service" folks. I am now thinking that the cards are too good for the likes of them. I may just allow them to have a glimpse of the card they could have had if they had been nicer? What do you think?

Five Weeks and a Day

When I made up my mind to retire I had a 40 week wait until my retirement date, the same length of time for a pregnancy. Waiting for retirement and waiting to give birth have a lot of similarities. For both of them time has a strange Sci Fi quality. It both barely moves and moves with the speed of light. Many times this wait to be retied, just like the wait to see that baby seems to be never ending and then all at once the due date is just around the corner. The big difference is, even with a lot less preparation I feel a lot more prepared for retirement then I did to be a first time mom.

Hopefully I will enjoy retirement as much as I enjoy being a mom.

Because I have 5 weeks and a day. Just 5 weeks and a day. Just 5 weeks and a day. I am excited. I am making plans -- in fact I'm making a list and checking it a lot more then twice. And I have no interest in worrying about who is naughty or nice.

Axe Murder

Some people just don't get the axe murder theory of life. The rules are simple and if you abide by them you will be safe in most instances. After all everyone knows the axe murder is waiting to get any of us but only at certain times.

Rule one--if hubby is out of town, you can't backtrack unless you have a good reason. For example, you can't leave the house after dark unless it is absolutely necessary. If you need to take the kids to a party, you are safe. But if you go out to get the book you left in the car the axe murder might be waiting. And, you can't backtrack and go down stairs once you have gone up for the night. Now you can make numerous trips up and down during the evening, even late into the night; but once you know in you go up for the night you have to stay until dawn at least. The Axe murder moves into the house as soon as you go up - and stays till dawn, but he never goes upstairs.

Rule two--eating out. The whole family is safe from the axe murder so long as the mom does not sit with her back to a main aisle.

Rule three-holes in the walls and dark corners. Of course one should never linger long in a place with holes in the walls or ceilings or dark corners because the axe murder could easily be waiting.

It's obvious I am 55 and alive and well, so these rules have saved me from the axe murder all these years.

I was out Saturday with Sweetie and Good Looking. Sweetie and I talked about my theory of the axe murder and she thought I was goofy. Silly Sweetie!

Getting Ready To Say Good Bye

I have 6 more weeks (and half a day) left to work. This morning I’m thinking of all the friends I’ll miss, the family I am leaving. While I am ready to go, leaving my co-workers makes me sad. I want them all to know what they have meant to me over the years, how much they have added to my life. I plan on writing them each a short note, telling them how important they have been to my life. I want to, I need to … but somehow I don’t know how to start.

First I think I’ll start with Ke, I’ve known her the longest and she is my husband’s ethical twin. But then I tell myself-I can’t start with her. I have too much to tell her. There is too much to say, but I can’t say it. I can’t tell her how much she has meant to me over the years, it’ll sound mushy and neither of us are the mushy type. It will be easier to start with someone else and work up to Ke.

So I think I’ll start with La-she’s the newest. But she has only been here for a few days and I don’t know her well enough to say anything personal. I have to have more time to get to know her.

I could write one to Dy, but we are sisters in so many ways, each one of 5 siblings, each cursed with a big mouth and each the mother of two. How do I write a note saying thanks for sharing this time, when the time isn’t over yet?

Or Ti-Ti is a younger, cuter, more energetic version of me. We have similar parenting styles; we are both goofy and have a good sized touch of the free spirit. How do I put in words all she has added to my life? She makes me laugh. She pushes me to parent more and help the boys grow up and learn to cook and do their own laundry. She has a big heart.

Or My, My is the me I would like to be. She is kind, loving and generous. She used to be the one to organize all that needs to be organized, though now a few of the newer co-workers have started to share that responsibility. She always has an open ear and a willing heart. At the same time she is strong and self assured. She may not do it often, but when appropriate she can and does put a transgressor loving in their place.

Pt – Writing his note is the one that will be the hardest because it is the one that matters the most to me. And I don’t know where to start.

Rh-she loves my boys almost as much as I do. And I love her son in the same way. I always find myself smiling when I think of Ruth. She is smart, creative, generous and loving.

De-she lent me her daughter-to watch my boys when they were young. De is a person who believes in commitment and honor. She is a strong woman and a caring woman.

In fact I think the reason the people I work with are so important to me is they are all loving, caring people. They all reach out and help. I will miss them all very much.

New Year's Resolution Update

I broke the “knit from the stash” resolution. Three times. It started out innocently; I went to a store to buy some blue Lamb’s Bride Bulky to finish the rainbow bag I am making. They didn’t have any bulky, but they had worsted in a blue color. Even though I don’t really like the blue they had I bought it and some sock yarn-after all sock yarn is always allowed. That add to the stash purchase one. Add to the stash purchase three also started out innocently, since I didn’t like that blue, I decided to see if another local store had a better blue. They didn’t but they had these incredibly beautiful, hand painted skeins-expensive hanks-very expensive hand painted hanks. So I had to buy two. And a fun scarf yarn and two eyelash yarns that were on sale. All in all it added up to add to the stash purchase number two. All I can say to explain add to the stash purchase number three is this addiction is a disease. I had yarn on the mind and I realized that the yarn I bought for the hoodie came in two huge hanks that needed to be winded into balls. It would take forever using the hang on the chair method and I would be busy when I retired. Much to busy for that. So I ordered a knitting swift (I blame Wendy of Wendy Knits) and a ball winder and some cotton yarn. And I still want some Lamb’s Pride Bulky, since I am out of money I need to wait.

I have kept the no booze resolution, even through a party we hosted, two dinners out, and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I do miss it a little.

Boy A is "The Man"

Boy A made a wonderful, delicious dinner last night. Spaghetti and meatballs, Cesar salad and peppermint ice cream with hot fudge sauce. He planned the menu, looked up the recipes, guided the shopping trip and made most of the meal. Granted he would not put his hands in the meat mixture to form the meatballs and he asked for some help here or there, but he did a great job, made a fantastic dinner and I am very, very impressed. He gets a gold star.

This age is so interesting, he veers between being an angel and a devil, sometimes the shift is just minutes apart.

I was catching up on my blogs last night and saw that Vast Verandah dissed my loved Crocs. She posted a picture of a pair of manly orange Crocs walking (on some man’s feet) around the National Zoo, saying no woman should allow a man to leave his house dressed in Crocs. The good news is even though Hubby loves his orange Crocs he would not leave the house with them one. He too things they are way too ugly to be worn in public. I love my Crocs! Both pairs. I have the blue “professional” Crocs and the purple everyday ones. I continually have to talk myself out of buying a third and fourth pair, I mean they have pink, lime green, bright yellow. How is a girl to limit herself to just blue and purple? And I wear them frequently. They make a statement. Of course it is a different statement to everyone who sees them, but to me they say I am me. I am free to dress, think and feel in a way that makes me happy. And wearing Crocs makes me happy.

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

But things will get better.